Day 1…Tumor Can’t Be Removed

While the doctor explained the situation to me, my mind tried to open up to understand every word he was saying.  He drew little pictures which I now know I misunderstood (he is the surgeon and I am the stunned wife with only Dr. Google to rely upon). We both were doing our best and I just wanted to see my husband but was assured it would be a little while as he was waking up in recovery.  Were these all the answers to my questions about his disease? Never, but it would have to be enough for now.

What seemed like forever came to an end and I went up to the floor of this modern hospital and glanced out the windows when the elevator doors opened.  The storm during the night had rattled the nearby hotel we had booked, but now the day looked bright and sunny.  I was trying to hold on to the faith I profess and knew that God would make all things right when I surrendered to whatever His will might be.  So the sunshine was a pleasant answer from Him–everything would happen as it was supposed to happen.

I saw my husband lying in a bed with tubes running here and there–the nose tube was the one that looked the most uncomfortable and it would be there for a while the nurse reassured me. It’s purpose was to drain out the mucus I guess. The catheter was  collecting the urine and that bag was hanging on the far side of the bed. Better there than to be visible from the door and hall. At least there could be a little dignity for the patient that way. All this may seem pretty graphic for some of you, but that’s the way it is when a person is recovering from surgery. The room was huge and the bathroom was well stocked with toiletries and towels.  (It was for my use as well and I would appreciate it for the night to come.)  It would not be shower time for a while for this patient, but the nurses would let him know. Just sponging off for a few days would have to be okay for him.

The tubes running here and there were signs that he had just had major surgery, but the smile he managed told me he was fine. Faith and acceptance is his mantra.

That night was a nightmare with nurses running in an out, but I was happy to be at his side just because.

Whatever that doctor said to him in the first few days was lost in the fog of leftover anesthetic and I tried to remember everything I could.  He is tough, but the most important thing to remember these days has been his handicap and most recent golf score…don’t ask him because he will deny that’s true.  Maybe he doesn’t need to analyze every single word like I do because he accepts what God has in store is God’s business.  What faith!

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Someone is Living Rent-free

In my head and sitting at the table (uninvited) at meals with me, some unkind person is invading my space! It’s fair to say I have a resentment and I am letting this person take hold of my every thought and action. It is a sad state of affairs and I am ashamed that it has come to this point.

Deep down, I don’t really care what this person thinks or says but I can’t get over wanting to hear some form of apology for how I’ve been snubbed. Yes, that is stupid and narrow-minded and expecting one hell of a lot from another human being. I know we can’t all be aware of how important my feelings are! That is the baby in me…the selfish little child that refuses to let the world exist for its own self and not just for my benefit.

Sadly, I have learned to keep score. I have slipped back into old behavior that announces I am good and you have a lot to live up to. It is always a contest with me and no matter how much you do, it’s never enough!  The balance sheet must be in my favor or you lose points.

I am very sorry to admit these sins..I am ashamed. I pray but God only gives me more challenges.  That’s the point, but I miss the message every time. All the second chances go unheeded and so I have to go through the pain of self-hatred each time I fall into my old habits of resentments.

Someone told me once that Life is tough…so get a helmet.  I need to accept those challenges and give up the resentments. Those free loaders that live in my mind are there because I let them stay there and keep repeating how they have been unkind to poor me.  They should know better?? No, I should let them do whatever they need to do and I should forgive, ignore and be grateful that I understand that I am not the center of anyone’s universe but my own.

Life can be easier when I let go and invite God to remove the root of my resentments. Finding peace is a journey that takes discipline and right living.  There is literally no room for hateful attitudes and self-centered behavior or thinking.

Today at least I recognize that pain as the resentment begins and if I want, I can work on overcoming it. How? Well, maybe with some loving thoughts about the person, I can find some peace of mind. Surely there is something good in each of us! I just need to look harder for the good and stop focusing on the bad.

active activity adventure backpack
Finding something good in everyone.

 

Dancing with Your Disease

No matter what is the matter, there are answers.  Some are not what you want to hear, but nonetheless, they are out there! And research is being done around the clock to bring more answers!

There is a quote in the program of Alcoholics Anonymous that says in part “…are you willing to go to any length…” and this means in search of an answer for a solution to the disease of alcoholism.  It doesn’t say for a cure, it only means for a solution for today.

Some diseases are incurable, inoperable and totally unmanageable without the help of some medications.  Let me be clear…some diseases bring about major and unbearable pain, but when the patient is willing to learn as much as possible about the disease she or he will hold the winning hand.  Knowledge is power and that is the reason so much information is given to the cancer patient about the specific cancer being treated.  Hopefully the patient will go to any length to learn what to do to become stronger in fighting the cancer and following good health practices.

Migraine sufferers shouldn’t give up.  There are so many different treatments to follow and much information to consider.  Learning and researching is far more engaging than just letting the world go by as you suffer in your incapacitated state. Overwhelmed by pain and suffering accomplishes nothing more than defeat and being proactive is a much more healthy way of dealing with pain.

Even when a cold hits you square in the sinuses, it is better to do all the symptomatic treatments to help ease the pain.  There is no cure…avoid situations when you can and this means setting boundaries around those who are coughing, sneezing and blowing!  Wash your own hands and use sanitizer and clean the mouth piece of that office phone and other equipment your co workers touch.  If you are sick…STAY HOME.  Temperatures indicate illness.

Diseases can range from life threatening to life disrupting.  Cancer threatens lives, IBS disrupts lives. IBS is different for every sufferer.  Learn to live with it! Sad but true, it is not going anywhere and you can’t trick it.  Go to any length to learn your dietary and lifestyle limits.  You can’t cheat because IBS keeps track!  It is very cunning.  Bless those days of harmony when all is well.

Some diseases are discovered too late.  COPD is one everyone wished they had known about when they were young.  When it’s too late for the sufferer, he or she may want to become a spokesperson for that disease. Grandchildren are lucky to have written materials and support from family members who will guide them in avoiding the pitfalls of COPD.

Alzheimer’s has many clinical trials and hopes to find a cure soon. If you have lost a love one from this disease, you have been robbed and so was the patient.  What can be done now?

Some diseases are just your legacy, passed down through the generations and until there are cures, research will continue.  Be active, please, in any research program you can.  Contribute your time, your family profile, and volunteer to help in any way you are able. Dancing with your disease may help someone live a disease free life…it may be you grandchild!

Are You Contagious?

Maybe you don’t realize how important you are in the change the world needs. You are important and so am I because love can be as contagious as hate and hopefully love wins. Carrying the message of love begins within each of us and there is no doubt that the wrong message is dominating our world.

So how do you know if you are carrying the right message? Listen to your closest friends and your children and their children. Listen to the message of love. Do you hear hate and prejudices in their conversations? Have those words come from your mouth?

Change begins in your heart because if you feel you are different in color or creed and yours is the only path to righteousness, then you may want to think deeper. No matter your religion, believe in humanity. No, I am not saying the world holds all men in equality, but at the moment of birth, each man is loved and held in God’s hands. What evil the man learns to covet, he is still human…he goes away from what love was meant to be!

With prayer and love there is hope. The evil will always be present in our world and there must be hope for Guidance. Like any disease, we must find the cure…but we need help. Can you be part of the cure?

The color of skin must not be a basis for violence..any color of skin or any creed must be respected, and tolerance and an understanding that each man can choose his own path must be acknowledged.

America has a problem…let’s not confused the terror from foreign soils with the hatred that has grown in this country. Let’s get our own house in order…let’s ask God to help our hate dissolve into love and doing that we might create a worldwide epidemic!

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You Are Contagious!

Soak in the Sun

Enjoying the winter sun of Arizona, I am inspired by the Spring that is on the way. Although I am a midwesterner, this brief visit to the warmth of the desert fills me with a spirit of joy and serenity.

All my life I have complained about the snow and the damp cold of Missouri and now I fel released from those surroundings.  Can I feel God more in the sunshine and cacti and sand! I truly need to work on my attitude if that’s the case.  I need to feel Him in the cold, dark days of winter and in the heat and humidity of July. I know it is just my human mind that fails me.

Today I appreciate life and vow to slow down in the journey of life. I hope I can accept all days as gifts from God.